import sql from "../sql.js"; const rp = require("request-promise") , jsdom = require("jsdom").JSDOM; const data = { abschieben: [], kaffee: [], tee: [], quotes_firecooler: [], quotes_kinski: [], quotes_stoll: [], quotes_boll: [] }; Object.keys(data).forEach(cur => { sql.exec(`select \`data\` from \`useless\` where \`trigger\` = '${cur}' limit 1`, (err, row) => { data[cur] = JSON.parse(row[0].data); }); }); module.exports = bot => { bot._trigger.set("abschieben", { call: /^(\.|\/)abschieben/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`schiebt [b]${args[0]}[/b] ${data.abschieben[~~(Math.random() * data.abschieben.length)]} ab.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("butterkaese", { call: /^(\.|\/)butterkäse/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`drischt mit einem großen Stück Butterkäse auf [b]${args[0]}[/b] ein.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("notschlachten", { call: /^(\.|\/)notschlachten/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`notschlachtet [b]${args[0]}[/b] und entsorgt die Leiche im Biomüll`); } }); bot._trigger.set("lachs", { call: /^(\.|\/)lachs/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("öhöhöhöhöhöhö"); } }); bot._trigger.set("kaffee", { call: /^(\.|\/)kaffee/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(data.kaffee[~~(Math.random() * data.kaffee.length)] .replace("{user}", `[b]${args[0]}[/b]`) ); } }); bot._trigger.set("tee", { call: /^(\.|\/)tee/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(data.tee[~~(Math.random() * data.tee.length)] .replace("{user}", `[b]${args[0]}[/b]`) ); } }); bot._trigger.set("uwe_quotes", { call: /^(\.|\/)(boll|firecooler|kinski|stoll)$/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().substring(1); e.reply(data[`quotes_${args}`][~~(Math.random() * data[`quotes_${args}`].length)]); } }); bot._trigger.set("wusel", { call: /^(\.|\/)wusel/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`wuselt [b]${args[0]}[/b] über den Haufen.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("mett", { call: /^(\.|\/)mett/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.reply(`Jamba Mettscanner: [b]${args[0]}[/b] ist zu ${~~(Math.random() * 100 + 1)}% Mett.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("rotenburg", { call: /^(\.|\/)rotenburg/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`verarbeitet [b]${args[0]}[/b] zu Hackfleisch.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("pee", { call: /^(\.|\/)pee/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`pisst in [b]${args[0]}[/b]s Gesicht.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("ike", { call: /^ike/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("ike ike!"); } }); bot._trigger.set("rip", { call: /^rip/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("Rust in Peace"); } }); bot._trigger.set("haram", { call: /^(\.|\/)haram/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.reply(`[b]${args[0]}[/b] ist ${(~~(Math.random() * 2) ? "haram" : "nicht haram")}.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("sacklutscher", { call: /^(\.|\/)lutschsack/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.reply(`[b]${e.user.nick}[/b] legt Rosen aus und lutscht den Sack von [b]${args[0]}[/b]`); } }); bot._trigger.set("kawaii", { call: /kawaii/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("⌒(o^▽^o)ノ so much kawaii"); } }); bot._trigger.set("hurrdurr", { call: /^hurr$/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("durr"); } }); bot._trigger.set("fraguwe", { call: /^uwe.*\?$/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("fuck you"); } }); bot._trigger.set("wasser", { call: /^(\.|\/)wasser/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`kippt [b]${args[0]}[/b] einen Eimer Wasser über den Kopf.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("normie", { call: /^(\.|\/)normie/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.reply(`Jamba Normiescanner: [b]${args[0]}[/b] ist zu ${~~(Math.random() * 100 + 1)}% ein Normie.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("hyper", { call: /^(\.|\/)hyper$/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("[b]GET HYPER![/b]"); } }); bot._trigger.set("bark", { call: /^(\.|\/)bark$/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { e.reply("BARK BARK BARK"); } }); bot._trigger.set("meditieren", { call: /^(\.|\/)meditieren/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`meditiert zusammen mit [b]${args[0]}[/b] Metta.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("duden", { call: /^(\.|\/)duden/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`drischt mit einem großen Duden auf [b]${args[0]}[/b] ein.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("kscht", { call: /^(\.|\/)kscht/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`jagt [b]${args[0]}[/b] durch den Raum.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("bullenpisse", { call: /^(\.|\/)bullenpisse/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`zapft ein Fläschchen feinsten Bullenurin, verarbeitet diesen zu Red-Bull und serviert ihn [b]${args[0]}[/b] in Form einer Pfanddose.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("lungenkrebs", { call: /^(\.|\/)lungenkrebs/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; e.replyAction(`dreht [b]${args[0]}[/b] einen prall gefüllten Sargnagel mit feinstem Schwarzer Krauser.`); } }); bot._trigger.set("irpg", { call: /^(\.|\/)irpg/i, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc", "tg"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim().split(" "); args.shift(); args[0] = (args[0] == String.empty || typeof args[0] === "undefined" || args[0] == "") ? e.user.nick : args[0]; rp("http://idlerpg.rizon.net/players.php").then(top => { let prank = 0 , i = 1; const dom = new jsdom(top); let playerlist = dom.window.document.querySelectorAll("ol > li"); let player = null; for(let p of playerlist) { if (p.innerHTML.includes(`player=${args[0]}">`)) { prank = i; player = p; break; } i++; } if(player !== null) { const [, plevel, pclass, puntil] = player.innerHTML.match(/.*, the level (.*?) (.*?)\. Next level in (.*?)\./); e.reply(`([i]${prank} / ${playerlist.length}[/i]) [b]${args[0]}[/b], the [b]${pclass}[/b]: level: ${plevel}, next level in ${puntil}.`); } else e.reply(`player [b]${args[0]}[/b] was not found`); }); } }); bot._trigger.set("blah", { call: /^[A-ZÄÖÜẞ](?: [A-ZÄÖÜẞ]){1,5}$/, level: 0, active: true, clients: ["irc"], f: e => { let args = e.message.trim(); if (args.toUpperCase() === args) args.substring(2).split(" ").forEach(e.reply); } }); };