293 lines
7.5 KiB
JavaScript
293 lines
7.5 KiB
JavaScript
import sql from "../sql";
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import rp from "request-promise";
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import jsdom from "jsdom";
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const data = {
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abschieben: [],
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kaffee: [],
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tee: [],
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quotes_firecooler: [],
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quotes_kinski: [],
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quotes_stoll: [],
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quotes_boll: []
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};
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Object.keys(data).forEach(cur => {
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sql.any("select data from useless where trigger = $1 limit 1", [cur])
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.then(rows => {
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data[cur] = JSON.parse(rows[0].data);
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});
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});
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export default bot => {
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bot._trigger.set("abschieben", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)abschieben/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`schiebt [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ${data.abschieben[~~(Math.random() * data.abschieben.length)]} ab.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("butterkaese", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)butterkäse/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`drischt mit einem großen Stück Butterkäse auf [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ein.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("notschlachten", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)notschlachten/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`notschlachtet [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] und entsorgt die Leiche im Biomüll`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("lachs", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)lachs/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("öhöhöhöhöhöhö");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("kaffee", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)kaffee/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(data.kaffee[~~(Math.random() * data.kaffee.length)]
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.replace("{user}", `[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("tee", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)tee/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(data.tee[~~(Math.random() * data.tee.length)]
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.replace("{user}", `[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("uwe_quotes", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)(boll|firecooler|kinski|stoll)$/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(data[`quotes_${e.cmd}`][~~(Math.random() * data[`quotes_${e.cmd}`].length)]);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("wusel", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)wusel/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`wuselt [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] über den Haufen.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("mett", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)mett/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`Jamba Mettscanner: [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ist zu ${~~(Math.random() * 100 + 1)}% Mett.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("rotenburg", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)rotenburg/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`verarbeitet [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] zu Hackfleisch.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("pee", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)pee/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`pisst in [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]s Gesicht.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("ike", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^ike/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("ike ike!");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("rip", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^rip/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("Rust in Peace");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("haram", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)haram/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ist ${(~~(Math.random() * 2) ? "haram" : "nicht haram")}.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("sacklutscher", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)lutschsack/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`[b]${e.user.nick}[/b] legt Rosen aus und lutscht den Sack von [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("kawaii", new bot.trigger({
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call: /kawaii/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("⌒(o＾▽＾o)ノ so much kawaii");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("hurrdurr", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^hurr$/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("durr");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("fraguwe", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^uwe.*\?$/i,
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set: "uwe",
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active: false,
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f: e => {
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e.reply("fuck you");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("wasser", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)wasser/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`kippt [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] einen Eimer Wasser über den Kopf.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("normie", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)normie/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`Jamba Normiescanner: [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ist zu ${~~(Math.random() * 100 + 1)}% ein Normie.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("hyper", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)hyper$/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("[b]GET HYPER![/b]");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("bark", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)bark$/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("BARK BARK BARK");
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("meditieren", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)meditieren/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`meditiert zusammen mit [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] Metta.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("duden", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)duden/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`drischt mit einem großen Duden auf [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ein.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("kscht", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)kscht/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`jagt [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] durch den Raum.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("bullenpisse", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)bullenpisse/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`zapft ein Fläschchen feinsten Bullenurin, verarbeitet diesen zu Red-Bull und serviert ihn [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] in Form einer Pfanddose.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("lungenkrebs", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)lungenkrebs/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`dreht [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] einen prall gefüllten Sargnagel mit feinstem Schwarzer Krauser.`);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("irpg", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)irpg/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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const user = e.args[0] || e.user.nick;
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rp("http://idlerpg.rizon.net/players.php").then(top => {
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let prank = 0
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, i = 1;
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const dom = new jsdom.JSDOM(top);
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let playerlist = dom.window.document.querySelectorAll("ol > li");
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let player = null;
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for(let p of playerlist) {
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if (p.innerHTML.includes(`player=${user}">`)) {
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prank = i;
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player = p;
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break;
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}
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i++;
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}
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if(player !== null) {
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const [, plevel, pclass, puntil] = player.innerHTML.match(/.*, the level (.*?) (.*?)\. Next level in (.*?)\./);
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e.reply(`([i]${prank} / ${playerlist.length}[/i]) [b]${user}[/b], the [b]${pclass}[/b]: level: ${plevel}, next level in ${puntil}.`);
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}
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else
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e.reply(`player [b]${user}[/b] was not found`);
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});
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("blah", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^[A-ZÄÖÜẞ](?: [A-ZÄÖÜẞ]){1,5}$/,
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set: "uwe",
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clients: ["irc"],
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f: e => {
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let args = e.message.trim();
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if (args.toUpperCase() === args)
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args.substring(2).split(" ").forEach(e.reply);
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}
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}));
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bot._trigger.set("rose", new bot.trigger({
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call: /^(\.|\/)rose/i,
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set: "uwe",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`schenkt [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] eine [color=red]~~{~[@}[/color]`);
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}
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}));
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}; |