236 lines
7.3 KiB
JavaScript
236 lines
7.3 KiB
JavaScript
import sql from "../sql";
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import fetch from "flumm-fetch-cookies";
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const data = {
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yiff: [],
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kill_templates: [],
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kill_parts: {},
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genders: [],
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woahs: [],
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slap: []
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};
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export default async bot => {
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Object.keys(data).forEach(cur => sql.any("select data from useless where trigger = $1 limit 1", [cur])
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.then(rows => data[cur] = JSON.parse(rows[0].data))
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.catch(console.error));
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return [{
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name: "kiss",
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call: /^(\.|\/)kiss/i,
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set: "nxy",
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help: {
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text: "Kisses a user",
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usage: "[b].kiss[/b] [i](<nick>)[/i]"
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},
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ" [color=red]。。・゜゜・。。・゜❤[/color] [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] [color=red]❤[/color]`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "hug",
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call: /^(\.|\/)hug/i,
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set: "nxy",
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help: {
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text: "Hugs a user",
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usage: "[b].hug[/b] [i](<nick>)[/i]"
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},
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`[color=red]♥♡❤♡♥[/color] [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] [color=red]♥♡❤♡♥[/color]`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "kill",
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call: /^(\.|\/)kill/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(data.kill_templates[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_templates.length)]
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.replace("{user}", `[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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.replace("{limbs}", data.kill_parts.limbs[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.limbs.length)])
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.replace("{gun}", data.kill_parts.gun[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.gun.length)])
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.replace("{weapon_stab}", data.kill_parts.weapon_stab[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.weapon_stab.length)])
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.replace("{weapon_slice}", data.kill_parts.weapon_slice[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.weapon_slice.length)])
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.replace("{weapon_crush}", data.kill_parts.weapon_crush[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.weapon_crush.length)])
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.replace("{weapon_explosive}", data.kill_parts.weapon_explosive[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.weapon_explosive.length)])
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.replace("{tall_thing}", data.kill_parts.tall_thing[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.tall_thing.length)])
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.replace("{spiked_thing}", data.kill_parts.spiked_thing[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.spiked_thing.length)])
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.replace("{bomb}", data.kill_parts.bomb[~~(Math.random() * data.kill_parts.bomb.length)])
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);
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}
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}, {
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name: "yiff",
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call: /^(\.|\/)yiff/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(data.yiff[~~(Math.random() * data.yiff.length)]
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.split("{user}").join(`[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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.split("{yiffer}").join(`[b]${e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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.split("{nick}").join(`[b]${e.self.me.nickname}[/b]`)
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.split("{channel}").join(`${e.channel}`)
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);
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}
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}, {
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name: "bier",
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call: /^(\.|\/)bier/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`schenkt ein kühles Blondes an [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] aus.`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "fucken",
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call: /^(\.|\/)fucken/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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const user = e.args[0] || e.user.nick;
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e.replyAction(`fuckt [b]${user}[/b] und tötet [b]${user}[/b] anschließend.`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "hack",
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call: /^(\.|\/)hack/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`hacking ${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}...`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "spit",
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call: /^(\.|\/)spit/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`spits on [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] like a dirty whore.`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "assume",
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call: /^(\.|\/)assume/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`Assuming [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}'s[/b] gender... it's a ${data.genders[~~(Math.random() * data.genders.length)]}.`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "jn",
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call: /^(\.|\/)jn/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`${e.user.nick}: [b]${~~(Math.random() * 2) ? "Ja" : "Nein"}[/b]`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "chosse",
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call: /^(\.|\/)choose .*/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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const args = e.message.substring(8).trim().split(",");
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if (args.length < 2)
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return e.reply(`${e.user.nick}: Ob du behindert bist?`);
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e.reply(`${e.user.nick}: ${args[~~(Math.random() * args.length)].trim()}`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "huehuehue",
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call: /^huehuehue$/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("huehuehue");
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}
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}, {
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name: "woah",
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call: /woah/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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if (~~(Math.random() * 4))
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e.reply(data.woahs[~~(Math.random() * data.woahs.length)]);
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}
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}, {
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name: "REEE",
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call: /reee+$/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply("R".padEnd(~~(Math.random() * 20 + 10), "E"));
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}
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}, {
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name: "meme",
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call: /^(\.|\/)meme .*/i,
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set: "nxy",
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active: false,
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f: e => {
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const args = e.message.trim().substring(6).split("/");
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//if(args.length < 3)
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return e.reply("[WIP] too few arguments: .meme [meme] / [line 1] / [line 2]");
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}
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}, {
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name: "slap",
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call: /^(\.|\/)slap/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(data.slap[~~(Math.random() * data.slap.length)]
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.replace("{user}", `[b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b]`)
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);
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}
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}, {
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name: "fw",
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call: /^(\.|\/)fw .*/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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const args = e.message.substring(4).trim();
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e.reply([...args.toUpperCase()].map(c => c === ' ' ? ' ' : String.fromCharCode(65248 + c.charCodeAt(0))).join``);
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}
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}, {
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name: "waifu_husbando",
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call: /^(\.|\/)(waifu|husbando)/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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let nick = e.args[0] || (e.type === "tg"?e.user.username || e.user.nick:e.user.nick)
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let mode = e.cmd;
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nick = nick.split("@").join("");
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if(e.args.length > 0 && e.args[0].charAt(0) === "=") {
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let tmp = e.args[0].slice(1);
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sql.any(
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`insert into nxy_users (prefix, nick, ${mode}) values ($1, lower($2), $3) on conflict (prefix) do update set ${mode} = excluded.${mode}, nick = $2`, [
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e.user.prefix,
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(e.type === "tg"?e.user.username || e.user.nick:e.user.nick),
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tmp
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])
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.then(rows => {
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e.reply(`${mode.charAt(0).toUpperCase()+mode.slice(1)} set to: [b]${tmp}[/b]`)
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})
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.catch(err => console.log(err));
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}
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else {
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sql.any(`select ${mode} from nxy_users where lower(nick) = lower($1) limit 1`, [nick])
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.then(rows => {
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if(!rows[0])
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return e.reply(`[b]${mode.charAt(0).toUpperCase() + mode.slice(1)}[/b]: none`);
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e.reply(`${mode.charAt(0).toUpperCase() + mode.slice(1)}: [b]${rows[0][mode]}[/b]`);
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})
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.catch(err => console.log(err));
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}
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}
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}, {
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name: "asshole",
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call: /^(\.|\/)asshole/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.reply(`Jamba Arschlochscanner: [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] ist zu ${~~(Math.random() * 100 + 1)}% ein Arschloch.`);
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}
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}, {
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name: "isup",
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call: /^(\.|\/)isup .*/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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const addr = !e.args[0].match(/^https?/g) ? `https://${e.args[0]}` : e.args[0];
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fetch(addr)
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.then(res => {
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e.reply(`[b]${addr}[/b] seems to be [b]up[/b].`);
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})
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.catch(err => {
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e.reply(`[b]${addr}[/b] seems to be [b]down[/b].`);
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});
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}
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}, {
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name: "einschlaefern",
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call: /^(\.|\/)einschläfern/i,
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set: "nxy",
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f: e => {
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e.replyAction(`schläfert [b]${e.args[0] || e.user.nick}[/b] mit einer Spritze Ketamin ein.`);
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}
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}];
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};
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